Respect is like a bridge that connects two people. It provides a platform for understanding and trust. Without it, communication and understanding become impossible. Respect is a fundamental concept that calls for consideration, honour, and dignity towards others. Basically, it is about human interaction and is crucial to building healthy relationship.
Respect is a key foundation for dealing with student behaviour. Respect for the student, respect for their feelings, opinions, and unique situation. It is essential for building a trusting and respectful relationship and classroom behaviour management.
When dealing with student misbehaviour, it is important to remember that some of the behaviours students display are the result of their family circumstances; for example, they have a broken family unit, or they may be raised in homes where they are expected to act like adults to take care of younger siblings. These students may not have the same resources available to them that other students do, such as a supportive family, access to resources, or a safe and secure environment. As a result, they may act out in difficult situations to gain attention or cope with their emotions. It is our responsibility to educate them on acceptable values and behaviour.
Hence, the primary approach to dealing with student behaviour should not be punishment. It is best to combine positive behaviour support and targeted interventions.
I just finished explaining the different types of angles in class. Students participated in the demonstration, and we did so many together. As a final step, I asked everyone to write the example on the board or in their books. Except for Charlie, everyone followed the instructions. My first reaction was that I did not make it clear, so I repeated the instruction that everyone needed a model example in their books. Charlie still did not respond. Then I approached his table and asked him.
Charlie, I would appreciate it if you could write out the example in your book. Just as I was about to walk away to give him a chance to respond.
He banged his fist on the table and I turned around. It was like a verbal avalanche; I could not keep up with the speed or volume of his words, and I was overwhelmed by the force of his emotions.
An engaged audience watched this shocking scene. Uncertainty overwhelmed me. Then, I realised that I was in a position to set an example for my audience and had a choice to make. I could either choose to respond in a respectful and kind manner or respond with an attitude that would reflect poorly on me and on the school. I chose the former, because I wanted my audience to know that respect and consideration for others is always my priority.
Most likely, you have experienced these moments before! It is a situation in the classroom where you are trying to figure out what the best solution is. The gaze of all 30 students is on you, waiting for you to react. My eyes were fixed on Charlie, who was speaking directly to me. Honestly, I was unaware that it had happened to me. As I froze, the students’ faces were filled with astonishment. Being overwhelmed by what was happening and unable to process it was like being a deer in the headlights.
It is challenging for me to tell which of the many names was more offensive. The baptism of fire is underway! Standing and listening! Charlie was not even leaving the room; he was waiting for my response. The words did not come out of my mouth despite me talking very loudly. It was at this point that I stepped back, and Charlie stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
Wow, what a relief! I felt a wave of emotion wash over me as I realised, I had kept my composure and not reacted. I was proud of myself.
It is probably the end of the lesson at this point, fresh teacher, how do I pick out one of the words?
What did I do wrong? I thought to myself.
He was only challenged to do the work now that I think about it.
When I finally got myself together, I explained to the class that this is not an expected behaviour; because you can imagine the students were waiting for me to do something! Because I was able to model good behaviour for them, I showed them how to remain calm in the midst of all the stress. As a result, I reinforced the importance of treating everyone equally and respecting each other. Finally, I ended the class with a reminder of the class rules. Emphasising the importance of obeying class rules, I reminded the students that poor behaviour will not be tolerated.
One student asked me what punishment I would give to Charlie. I answered that I was not sure yet. I then reminded the students that Charlie’s behaviour was unacceptable and I would follow it up.
Afterwards, I followed the school’s policy, which meant a lot of typing and remembering the words Charlie used to address me. It was even more stressful as I was recalling the incident.
In my case, I only needed one thing to happen. It was critical for me to learn what I had done wrong. I also wanted to learn why Charlie felt it was appropriate to use those words and manners in speaking to me. It felt more like a personal attack on me.
A reconciliation meeting was set up by the Head of Year. Before the meeting, Charlie was asked to write an apology letter.
I was not sure how the meeting would unfold. There was only one question I wanted to ask.
As far as I know, Charlie lives at home with his mom and siblings. As a matter of curiosity, I wanted to make sure this is the way he speaks to his mom.
Do you talk like this to your mom? His answer was a bold YES!
His answer was a clear indicator that he lacked respect for his mother. He was likely speaking in a disrespectful tone of voice or using curse words, both of which are signs of a lack of respect.
Now that explains so much, do I have to be so mad at Charlie and read him the riot act? No, I do not have to read him the Riot Act. Instead, I must talk to him and explain why respect is critical. In my lessons, I have always respected him, even when he forgot his book. I had to let him know that a lack of respect is not acceptable. I also had to explain why it is important to show respect for others and ourselves.
Having realised this was not a personal attack, I felt more relaxed since I knew it was more of a change in attitude and a mentorship. It does not matter how angry he is, those words are not appropriate for adults. I also told him he should talk to me if he has any issues with me or my decisions, rather than using that kind of language. Finally, I knew it was important to teach Charlie and remind the students of some self-regulatory skills.
The development of self-regulation skills should be a priority for students. It is important to teach them how to manage their emotions, make good decisions, and resolve conflicts in a peaceful manner. These skills are essential to improve classroom behaviour in the long-term.
Here are some examples of self-regulatory skills you can model and teach your students:
· It is important to express emotions appropriately (e.g., saying “I am angry” instead of acting out).
· Take a moment to think before acting (e.g., “Is this the right decision?”).
· Identify and label emotions (e.g., “I feel sad right now.”)
· Make sure you consider the consequences of each solution before deciding. (e.g., I will have to complete my task at lunch if I don’t complete it by the end of the lesson.)
· Take the time to think about a behaviour and how it impacts others. (e.g., if I keep talking at the wrong time, the other students will not hear what the teacher is saying)
· Determine the sources of stress and anxiety in your life. (e.g., lack of sleep, hunger, tiredness)
· Reduce stress by using relaxation methods (e.g., deep breathing, mindfulness).
Our role as educators is to provide guidance, model appropriate behaviour, and create supportive environments so students can practice and grow self-regulatory skills. Along with being subject teachers, we should also be mentors and coaches.
We should support students to develop resilience and cope with difficult situations. We should also provide guidance to help students develop problem-solving skills. By helping our students learn how to manage stress and difficult situations, we can assist them become successful and productive members of society.
In this era where both parents are working longer hours to be able to take care of the family, our responsibilities as educators have become more demanding. As such, it is important for us to be aware of the changing dynamics of parenting and respond accordingly.
Whenever we correct a student, we need to bear this in mind: Give them the support they need to not repeat this behaviour and encourage them to change their attitude. Make sure we reward positive behaviours with praise, rewards, or other forms of recognition. Students are more likely to repeat those behaviours when they get positive feedback. By doing this, we can create a classroom culture of respect and responsibility where meaningful learning can take place.
Although consequences are necessary for inappropriate or dangerous behaviour, they should be used as a teaching tool rather than a punishment. In order to help students understand the impact of their actions and how to make better choices in the future, consequences should be logical, related to the behaviour, and discussed clearly with students.
During reconciliation meeting with students, I focus on these questions:
Why did you do that?
What did you expect to happen?
In order to avoid this from happening, what can I do?
Is there anything you can do to prevent this from happening?
If you display the same behaviour again, how can I prompt you to redirect yourself?
It is key for me to listen patiently to my students and not assume. If I am unsure, I ask them for clarification and note this in my planner – this acts as an individual behaviour guide for that student.
In summary, all student behaviour does not need punishment. When it comes to punishment, it should be a last resort and only used sparingly. Rather than reacting to challenging behaviours, focus on prevention strategies and provide positive reinforcement. If consequences are needed, use them to teach students and help them grow. It is imperative to remember to treat your students as individuals and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to behaviour management. Students should focus on respecting themselves and those around them.
As educators we should strive to model this value for our students as they learn from our actions. We should encourage our students to treat others with kindness and respect, and to be mindful of their words. We should also provide students with the opportunity to practice this, through activities such as group discussions and role-playing. Finally, we should reward positive behaviour to reinforce it.